Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t cotton to rapists

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I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I have complete contempt for traitorism

Can men and women be friends?

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I see through liars

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

What is a good investment portfolio for someone starting in their 20s? 90% VT and 10% BND for a Roth IRA then 100% TDF for a 401k?

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

What is your favourite true story to tell at a party?

A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

Ive been pretending to be okay and acting as normal as possible, but Im actually completely heartbroken after a recent breakup. Its painful and really affecting me, to the point where I cant concentrate at work, Ive lost my appetite, I cant sleep, and It feels as if my whole world has been turned upside down. I loved him so much. He said so many cruel things to me and it made me realize he must not have loved me the way I loved him, or he wouldnt have said such horrible things. How do I handle the heartbreak and why cant I accept that he didnt love me and just forget about him?

I can read

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

I understand how hurricane paths work

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I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

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I took the same Oath and took it seriously

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

Why are breasts attractive?

I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

I actually pay taxes

How do I explain to my husband that my 19-year-old son has accidentally gotten me pregnant?

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I have complete contempt for fakery

Is it true that LGB should drop T?

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

I don’t buy bullshit

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

I can count

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

I have a reading level above third grade